That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
