i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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