Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
