i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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