so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
two words...techno handjob
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
