9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
