I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
false alarm, still single
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
