I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My pussy is not your playground.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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