She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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