I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
