Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
