I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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