FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
