dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
