You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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