woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
