Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
