He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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