what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
