Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize