Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize