miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
