he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
