idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize