Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The Olympian is in my bed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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