Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
