So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
