You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
