It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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