Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
