he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
