i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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