hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
