i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
