you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When are your genitals available?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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