you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
