So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
