Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
