Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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