I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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