Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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