last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My pussy is not your playground.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
