this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
