I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
