We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
