john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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