She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
