ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
