Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
