I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
