You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
