i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
