well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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