Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
