apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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