Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
