Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You need Xanax blowdarts
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
