Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Duck Duck Cougar?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
