We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
