I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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