Don't make out with my wife yet
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
