If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
