My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
