I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
