the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
