last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
