if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize