I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
