I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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