I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
