I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
