a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
