I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
