First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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