Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
