Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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