Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
