looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
