I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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