i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
